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TELL TALE HEART
I have a heart that I wear around my neck, right over my own heart, which was given to me by a loved one.
She swears that it has no special significance. I've never believed her. She is magic and so becomes everything she embraces.
I
filed for divorce in August. On the day of the preliminary hearing, I left the heart hanging on my bathroom mirror. My soon
to be ex-wife (Dracula) had once seen the heart around my neck and had quizzed me about it. I expected Dracula to appear at
the hearing, reach over, tear my shirt open to show the judge my most prized of possessions while shouting: "See!!! Look at
this! He never takes it off! I didn't give it to that muthafucka!” My guilt for falling in love with someone else
and my paranoia got the best of me.
There was no drama in the court room that day, but things didn't go well. Things
didn't go well during my second appearance either. And yes, both times, I left my heart at home.
In January, I was preparing for my third appearance in court. I had become familiar with the court routine.
In typical Walter fashion, I said to myself: "Fuck it! What's the worse thing that can happen?" and wore my heart to court.
That
morning, the court was not crowded. The clerk's fat friend was not hanging over her gossiping and sneering (she must have
been getting a donut) and the usual gaggle of attorneys had not emerged from their crypts yet.
I pensively approached
the clerk, heart beating against my lover's pewter heart, and handed her my papers. She looked them over, looked me over and
glanced over her shoulder. She stood and walked over to the window, as she schooled me about the proper forms I needed. She
questioned me like Johnnie Cochran but looked at me with mother love eyes and handed me 3 papers. She told me what sections
to fill out and asked plaintively when I would like to come back.
The day before my last hearing, I prayed and prayed.
As I was getting out of the shower, the next morning, I again debated with myself about my heart. I put it on.
When
I got downtown, there was too much traffic, a line outside of the courthouse and a 5 minute wait for the elevator. I was late.
The courtroom was empty except for the clerk sitting behind her computer. I handed her the papers, received more learned
counsel and sat down and tried not to look out the window. I thought it best to keep my mind in the room instead of allowing
it to bounce off all of the tall buildings outside.
15 minutes later, I emerged a free man. I was not elated. I was
numb.
As I was pulling out of the parking structure, I felt my lover's heart on my chest. I realized that leaving
her around my neck was the best decision I've made this year. Each of us needs support, even when the giver does not understand
the enormity of their gift or even know when and how they are giving.
If You buy from Amazon, please make your purchases through my site - thanks, J. Paul
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