I'm about to have another birthday. In fact, I'm going to try and finish this piece before my birthday*.

As I age, I am developing a sense of urgency that I never had when I was younger. I know intellectually that I could have made better use of my time but I didn't!  I have no regrets about how I spent my time and I am not one of those personalities that believes that every moment I breath must be significant.

My recent approach to life has been to be better to myself.  I rarely overeat.  I try to drink good wine.  I eat good food.  I perform good service.  I have the most fulfilling personal life I can muster.  I am trying to use my time in a more meaningful way absent my wonton disregard for things in general.

Writing has become a rather productive use of my time.  I receive lots of positive feedback.  Thank you.  I have also found a creative vehicle for whining and manage to gain some insights about myself.  I have discussed my sexual obsessions ad nauseum while entertaining and even titillating a few folks in the process.  

Although revealing my sordid personal life was fun, I will try not go there again.  I am not single minded or one dimensional, although that may have appeared to be the case for a few months; I simply try to keep the topics in this venue entertaining. 

Even though I freely admit to post pubescent sexual obsessions, my collegiate experience caused me to realize the value of discipline and sacrifice.  My sexually gratifying life after divorce caused me to finally understand that after cumming comes contemplation.

My patient patrons, please pardon my asinine alliteration. I'm just feeling kinda stupid and I thought I would take this opportunity to share some of my calmer thoughts like I'm always trying to promote my profundity.

I find myself at time when life is sweet. I have no anxiety of the future. My view point changed dramatically last year.  I hit what I thought to be rock bottom, in 2005. I was chronically broke. My nephew killed himself. My best friend died. My stupid ass brother lost our family home. Shit was flowing and I was standing at the bottom of the hill.  At mid year, things did not seem like it could get much worse but alas, I was wrong about that too.  Life saved a few unexpected surprises for me.  I finally just said: "What the fuck!".   The experiences I had last year served to make me less afraid of the unknown and more determined to see them through.

When I was much younger I wondered why old people would gather together and have so much fun. I also wondered why, even though they became more and more physically infirm, they became fearless.

At the end of 2005, I had the fortune of getting together with some people I have known for over 20 years. We went to my favorite bar and had the time of our lives. I looked over my shoulder and saw all my ruffnecks and the women that I usually hung out with in the bar giving us envious glances. That's when I got what the old people were doing. When old folks are together they don't pay much attention to the wrinkles and the gray hair. They are focused on camaraderie and the love that has bonded them all those years.

As for the fearlessness of the aging; they come to understand that the older one gets the closer one moves to God and will at some point face one's maker. 

Younger people fear the inevitable.  We use that fear.  We fashion the way we live our lives in a trance like state, convincing ourselves that we are invincible.  That aura of invincibility works until we blink and one day find ourselves vulnerable and out of sync.  Self doubt becomes the enemy of self confidence.     

I guess dear readers I'm just trying to say that life is what you fashion for yourself.  Make the most of your time off during the holidays.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.

*didn't complete this until xmas eve