TRUTH AND CONSEQUENCES

 

I've gotten into a lot of trouble, in the recent past, because of my beloved blog. I have been accused of just short of misogyny because of ex-wife bashing and fears have also been expressed by those close to me that they might one day be mentioned on these pages, in a disparaging way.  It came up more than once, so I’m hoping to quell those concerns once and for all. I start first with a tale of horror.

 

The House Of Dracula

My darling ex-wife tired to the best of her abilities to drive me to the poor house.  Her worst fear was that, after I left her, I would be able to take care of a much younger female as well or better than I had taken care of her.  I told her when we first met, that I would spoil her so that she would be useless to another man.  She was spoiled beyond redemption and to this day remains useless to any other slob.

Dracula felt she could circumvent my next greatest spoiling by driving me to bankruptcy.  What she actually did in effect was inhibit my ability to send her granddaughter, whom I raised for two years, to college.  When I took the grandbaby into my home, in 1995, I knew I was the only one in her life that had the ability to send her to college.  I started saving for that day, in 1997.  After my marriage dissolved, in 2000, my ex- wife Dracula, a licensed realtor, had the opportunity to sell my house to our next door neighbor, well above fair market value.

The neighbor wanted to buy the house for her daughter to fill it up with foster children, as she had successfully done with her own home.  She approached my ex and Dracula never got back with her.  Instead of selling the house at a premium, my vindictive ex-who knew that all my debts, would get paid off and she and I would pocket about 10k a piece, and most importantly I would have been able to set aside about 20k for my her grandbaby for college-stopped paying on the mortgage, hid the fact that the neighbor wanted to buy the house and let my house go into foreclosure.

The baby turns 18 in June.  To my knowledge, unless she gets mad scholarships, there is no college fund.  I hate my ex-wife for her narcissism and self loathing that prevented her from understanding what we needed to do for my baby. I have no children of my body.  Dracula’s granddaughter, whom I took in because her mother had lost her and her siblings, due to chronic neglect, was the closest thing I may have to a child.  We spent every free moment together. Each day, I drove her to a private school that I paid for.  I washed her hair, cooked for her and instructed her.  She is a very beautiful biracial child of black and Latino ancestry. Dealing with me those two years toughened her up sufficiently to deal with the ugly realities of the real world.

Anyone that reads my blog should understand that I stand for tangible things.  I took in my ex-wife’s grandbaby because I believe that each black man that has the means also has the obligation to care for at least one child in his community.  A man that has fathered a child must care for his own.  Those of us that have not fathered children have a moral and political obligation to the collective because without the village we would have never been successful.

Unbeknownst to me, my ex-wife was wounded and suicidal, when we first got together.  Her entire nuclear family was in distress and highly dysfunctional.  I won’t say that I stepped in a fixed all the problems but I know that I made a concerted effort to influence them in a proactive way.  Now today, I find myself still embittered because my baby was hurt by Dracula’s callous indifference to her granddaughter’s needs.

 

I'm Just A Soldier

I was told, during my college days, that I have a role to play that is much larger than myself.  A man that I respect very much informed my freshman class that we were part of the “intelligencia of the community”.  Commensurate with that role comes an implied obligation to serve the community to the best of one’s abilities.  To me, that translates, in very basic terms to “ get in where I fit in” personally and professionally.  That commitment, that I made in my youth, is unwavering.

I put my best foot forward, in my effort to make sure that one child had an opportunity.  My efforts were sabotaged by someone that should have been 100% behind that effort for personal reasons.  In 1996, I set up a scholarship fund with two of my work associates.  Dracula sat right beside me when a group of us went to the first recipients home and handed her a check.  Even after I left Dracula, I sold boxes of fruit to raise money for the baby’s education. I unloaded tractor trailers filled with citrus fruit from Florida, with 3 other men in zero degree weather, to put money aside for a child I fell In love with and would never let down. Dracula knew better than anyone the commitment that I made, yet she fucked her own blood, as she tried to harm me.

Today, I just don’t have anything good to say about Dracula. When I see her, I’m always polite but nothing more.  I expected much much more from someone that I laid beside for 10 years and I can‘t forgive her.

 

Sex Today, Expose’ Tomorrow?

I have openly discussed my past. I never use names and as of the writing of this story, I doubt I will mention this blog to anyone I try to get close to.  Women don’t trust men. Some of you have good reason.  I have yet to betray the trust of a woman that loved me and was good to me.  With one exception, I have not violated the trust of those that were not so good to me.  The writing of this particular blog, is in part, a response to concerns of someone that would really like to hate me but, to date has never been given a good reason to do so.

The specific anecdotes that I make about a particular scenario are intended to be taken in a broader context i.e. the premise of the text.

If a reader has an emotional response to something that they’ve read in the body of a given piece, then I have simply done my job as a writer.  Most of the individuals that I write about are simply part of my jaded past.  I keep in contact with some folks, like my beloved Kathy from “You Want It When” and I openly discuss my writing with anyone that is close to me and needs to understand my motivation or my intent. My younger brother also enjoys my blog.  I may startle him with some of the content but that is in part because he understands the truths of those situations but never had the opportunity to view it from another perspective.

I have no intentions of future kissing and telling.  In fact, after some of the recent discussions I’ve had, I will be reluctant to tell women I’m interested in about my blog!  I have plenty history and although these anecdotes fill up many pages, they are brief moments in time.

Anyway, I have a digital camera now.  If you want to see my dirty pictures you will have to be a participant in a photo shoot.  Just send me an email.  It will stay between us and I’ll only look at the pics when you are too far away to put my mouth on.