if 6 were 9
I watch far too
much daytime television. I work at home most days and almost always have the
tv on. I LIKE Jerry Springer. As
a student of sociology, I feel like Jerry’s guests represent a true cross section of America. Jerry has a thing for transsexuals, lesbians and hookers. There
also seems to be a lot of bi-curious young men out here. They have sex-usually
the recipient of oral sex-with another man, the girlfriend or wife finds out, they come on the show and the man who claims
that he is not gay wants to beat up the man whom he had sex with as he pleads with his girl for forgiveness! Having watched this scenario over and over, as an older man I am bewildered. I know the difference between men and women.
I know what a man looks like when he dresses up like a woman and I’m pretty good at detecting men who are gay
but pretend to be straight. I don’t have any special skills in this area. I believe that any man that is paying attention has the same ability as I to discern
if a man is dressed up pretending to be a woman or if another man that disguises himself as a straight man wants to have gay
sex! It’s not rocket science. It’s
very basic stuff. Men are not subtle. I
don’t care if the man dresses up like a woman or is well versed in womanly behavior, men just don’t have the ability
to hide what they want when it comes to sex. And irrespective of what men may
say after the fact, we know what’s up in the heat of the moment.
New Rules Of Engagement
In the last 25
or 30 years, it seems as if a new set of rules has been established regarding sexual conduct between men and women, between
women and other women, and sadly with men and other men as well. I know that there has always been lesbianism and homosexual sex BUT there was a time when people were very
discreet about those matters. You cannot turn on the television today without
being confronted by these issues. And as the media has a tendency to do, these
issues are packaged in the most provocative manner that they can be conveyed. On
Jerry Springer, the show opens with what appears to be a very attractive female who declares that she was actually “born
a man”! The “man” with whom the tranny has been involved with
comes out, is told that he has been getting his knob polished by another man and gets up and wants to fight the he-she that
he was wanting to marry or leave his fat ass girlfriend for after being forced to publically acknowledge his deviant behavior!
I don’t know why it happens and I don’t have
any personal anecdotes to share regarding this particular subject. I am bewildered
and perturbed by the behavior of men who act like they did not know that another man was sucking their dick and then get angry
at the former object of their desire once they are exposed. It’s wrong
and it’s hypocritical.
I was informed a while back, by a woman with teenage twin sons, that kids no longer play
“spin the bottle”. Kids as young as 11 or 12 get together and give
head to each other. At the end of the 'party', they determine the most popular
members of the group by the number of times those individuals got their kitty cat or hotdog licked, during the evening. Children in elementary schools are being expelled, after being found to have engaged
in oral sex in bathrooms and empty classrooms with students of the opposite sex. Young
boys are forced to give oral sex to more dominant boys, in gym locker rooms, in the presence of a group of adolescents. Adolescent males gang rape girls in alleys or in houses when the parents are
not home. The girls often do not report the incidents because they are ashamed
of ridicule or assume that they had engaged in “normal” behavior because they may have seen similar conduct on
a dvd or pay per view.
As Sex Guide
or forty years ago, when someone wanted to know about sex, they asked an older more experience person for advice or sexually
ambitious folks like me read “Pimp: The Story Of My Life.” Other
notable references were available like the notorious book “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” or if one wanted a more
clinical approach there was Masters and Johnson. If you wanted to know what was
on the mind of the average Joe there were copies of little booklets known as Tijuana Bibles that held nothing back.
Society was very
schizophrenic in its approach to sex and sexuality, back in the day. Fucking
and sucking was promoted as romantic and mysterious, mainly in an effort to shield innocent children and those that wished
to abstain from the baser realities that motivated people to have hot butt naked sex.
That’s not the case today. The internet and pornography leave little
to the imagination about what should happen between parties when it comes to sex. In
fact, all that most young people know about sex is based on something that they’ve seen in a video. When I was a kid we used consultation, trial and error to discover what needed to happen during sex and
sex play. Young moderns watch porn. Unfortunately,
the videos don’t reveal the nuances that trial and error used to help the uninitiated figure out.
I tried to write this without a personal anecdote but it’s virtually impossible for the purposes of this ongoing discussion. No brag, just fact.
Several years ago,
I dated one of the most notorious gold diggers on the face of the earth. She
also happens to be one of the finest women that I’ve ever met in person. A
few years back, Goldie and I worked at the same location. We had a lot of professional
contact with one another. One day, as I was walking by, she called me into her
office and, to my surprise, suggested that we go on a “date”. I soon
found out that a “date” involved me, her and my Nordstrom charge card! I
decided to go for it. I had wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars and ten years
of my time dealing with Dracula. It seemed worth it to me to spend a little coin
on a woman that was twice as fine and half her age. Nothing ventured, nothing
Easter Sunday that year, I took Goldie out for dinner. On the way back to my
apartment, she opened her legs wide to reveal a black thong under her expensive suit.
When we got back to my apartment, she stated: “I know you’re
a bad boy, put on a porno video!” Lucky for me I had one porn dvd. At that time, most of my porn was on vhs tape AND my player was broken! I
put the dvd in the player. Goldie watched the video intently. To my surprise, she got on my lap and opened her legs so that she could straddle my left thigh. Prior to that moment, she had not allowed me to touch her in a sexual way.
Mister Wiggles got as stiff as a bar of Aluminoy! I pulled my pants down past my knees. She positioned herself so that Mister Wiggles was pressed against Miss Kitty. She rode Mister Wiggles like he was a bucking stallion. After
a few minutes, she fell backwards and closed her eyes. I placed my right hand
underneath the thong and tentatively placed my index finger above her clitoris. I
slid my finger downward. As my finger touched her clit, she began moving
her hips in a rhythmic motion and sucked in a breath. Goldie slid off me onto
the couch. Her eye balls were rolling inside of the closed lids. She tried to suck in air through her teeth as she bit down on her lower lip.
Goldie lay there
for a few seconds then opened her eyes wide as if I had slapped her. She jumped
up from the couch and ran into the bathroom. When she emerged from the bathroom,
she grabbed her purse and ran out the door. By the time I got my pants and shirt
back on and got out to the street, she was backing her car out of the parking lot. She
had a look of panic on her face. I tapped on the window as she moved the car
backward. She would not stop the car.
That incident was
the first time in my life that a woman had gone into a panic after having an orgasm.
I was as frustrated as I was excited by what had happened. I had NEVER
encountered a woman that had had such a forceful orgasm with so little effort. That
week, I went out and bought some more pornography on dvd’s.
We never talked about what had occurred that day. Goldie’s
was always fixated on what she wanted me to buy her or what she wanted me to do for her.
She never anticipated that I was capable of giving her earth shattering orgasms.
To be quite honest, before it happen on three seperate occasions, I never knew a woman was capable of having orgasms
of such intensity! I wanted to have a long salacious relationship with Goldie.
I knew that a woman capable of having an orgasm of that magnatude, during a dry fuck, needed to be with a man with a
third degree black belt in tung foo! Unfortunately for us, Goldie was unable
to wrap her mind around a scenario that was not part of her grand scheme to capture J Paul’s fortune. If
I had had an experience like that with a woman my age, she
would have been parked in front of my apartment each day when I arrived home from work!
Goldie, like many other women in her age group (mid twenties) was simply not in touch with her sexuality in a holistic
way. There was no doubt that she was sexy.
She was that self aware. The men that we worked with brought her breakfast
and lunch each day and fawned over her in a shameful manner. The fact that I
had pretended to ignore her on a personal level, for over two years, was the main reason that she finally approached me! Once she focused on me, she KNEW that I would be unable to resist her. What she NEVER anticipated however was: the sexual ‘chemistry’ between us would overwhelm her
and ultimately change the outcome of our relationship. And that was inconsistent with her plan to spend every dime
I had ever earned without making an emotional investment in the relationship!
coming to my apartment. I, in turn, stopped buying her expensive meals in out of the way restaurants and taking
her to Somerset Mall.
that I had with Goldie was one of the best of my adult life. I never knew that
a woman could have such violent orgasms with so little effort. I had a sexual ephiphany.
I realized that most women do not want to lose control like that no matter how gratifying the experience may be
on a physical level.
I write this piece, I suspect that as many men have the same secret fear which may explain why they resort to homosexual acts
and masturbation instead of allowing themselves to have a rewarding sexual experience with a woman that is attracted to them. I have worked all my life to have better and better sexual experiences. My expectations have always been met, in part because I never feared my own sexual prowess even when it
exceeded what I thought I was capable of doing! My early expectations about sex
were based on hyperbole of older men and sexual mythology not on short men with big dicks and women that moan on cue
in a scripted video. Sex and imagination go hand in hand. In my mind, it
would be impossible to personalize an experience that I have already thought I knew everything there was to know about that
particular subject. Goldie knew all the nuances of being “sexy” yet
was a novice when it came to sexuality. She’ll be thirty this year. I’m hoping that she’s physically and emotionally ready to get in touch
with those feelings that she should deal with and not attempt to control.
feel badly for all those sexually ambiguous folks out there but as Parliament said: one fun at a time. I can only save one ass at a time. If you are in need of saving,
send me an email. Those that wish to support my unscientific research
can donate to my YGF (Young Girl Fund).